it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
