I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
