I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just tell him i said nine months
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
