obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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