dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
