so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
