when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
