we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
