his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
