Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
