he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
