I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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