Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
