dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
