Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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