So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
