Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
