No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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