When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize