Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
