Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
