I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
