it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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