i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
