I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
