I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
