I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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