Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
