i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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