I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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