I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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