thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
