well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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