If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
