Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
