Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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