hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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