Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
