Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
