Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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