Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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