I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
