who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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