my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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