Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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