I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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