So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize