I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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