Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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