I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
