he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
