Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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