why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
