My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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