The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
