Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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