Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize