Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
