Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
