This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
