So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
