I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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