idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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