I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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