So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize