no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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