True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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