i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
