I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
