there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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