I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
