you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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