One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
