I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize